IV. Two and a Half Weeks After Surgery

June 7th, 2015 

Hi everyone - It has been 19 days since my surgery and the real work has begun.  I am sorry I have not written sooner, but this week and a half has been very emotional and taken a lot of patience. I have been trying to find the right words.

On Thursday, May 28th, I had my first speech therapy appointment and began to speak and use my voice again. My speech therapist cleared me to speak for 5 minutes every hour and gave me three vocal exercises to do, five times each, five times a day. Believe it or not, it is harder to speak in small increments than it is to remain completely silent.  The therapist said one thing that really stuck with me -

Speaking promotes blood flow. Blood flow promotes healing. 

 This has become my mantra and one of the first things I say out loud before I begin my exercises. I like to imagine my brain sending little red blood cell workers with yellow hard hats to my vocal folds to work on them.

It was incredible to be told to speak for the first time after a week and a half of silence. I guess a part of me was hoping for a glorious, strong, and easy sound to come out, but that was not the case.

It felt weak. It felt hard to project.
It felt... weird.
I wish I could describe it better to you, but I just can't seem to find the words.

My therapist prepared me and explained that the middle of the range is usually the last thing to come back. I spoke for 5 minutes/hour from May 28th to June 4th, and just started to talk for 10 minutes/hour on June 5th.

That first day was the hardest. Because of the bruising on the vocal fold, I was informed to be extra cautious and to really be aware if my voice to going hoarse quickly or if I felt any pain or extreme fatigue. Fear and worry really find a way to try and take over your mind in these times of weakness. The thought of somehow hurting my voice in this week terrified me. Another thing I noticed was that many people seem to feel nervous when I began to talk. Many would stop me to say:

"Don't waste your five minutes on me. Save your voice."

This really frustrated me at first, but I realize that this gesture is out of love and protection. I have so many people rooting for a full recovery and know that many are just trying to help. The more I have begun to speak and use my voice, the better and better it has begun to sound. There have been moments where my actual voice pops in for a few sentences and leaves - THOSE ARE THE BEST DAYS EVER. 

I have made a little video and have attached it below to show you the exercises I have to do and how my voice sounds at this point in the journey. 

I cannot WAIT for my speech therapy appointment this Thursday. I am going to get to sing for the first time in 3 weeks! Talk to you all soon, and remember - 

There is always hope.