VI. Five Weeks After Surgery

June 24th, 2015

Today's post is going to be short and sweet because that's how my week was: short and sweet!

I am recovering fairly smoothly still, with some minor bumps along the way. I had another therapy session two days ago and it was exhausting. I am still trying to discern the difference between proper closure between the vocal cords and squeezing. It is really fascinating to feel how different singing is without that polyp in the way. I had gone over five years with that thing in there and discovered ways on how to make the voice work; now, I am trying to uncover the bad habits I formed and reverse them, slowly but surely.

My vocal therapy lesson lasted over 30 minutes, and by the end, my voice was SO TIRED! It is crazy to think that before this I would partake in rehearsals and gigs lasting 2-3 hours! As of now, that seems miles away. This week, my therapist built on the previous vocal exercises and also gave me another one to start.

1. Holding [i] ("eee") from C4-C5 individually, and as quietly as I can 
- Last week, G4 was a struggle for me. Now that note feels EASSSYYYY compared to my new notes that were added! (Which is how it should be!) Even before my surgery, B4-D5 were always troublesome - not only because of my break, but because of the pseudocyst. As you sing higher in pitch, your cords lengthen and stretch. With a polyp (and for some time, polyps) in the way, my cords would try to stretch and not be able to touch completely.

- I found my first bad habit I have to fix! I knew it was always there... tongue tension. My tongue tries to reach back and help squeeze the cords together as I get higher. My therapist made me take a napkin, hold out my tongue, and move it around to get rid of the tension. I have to do this exercise all week with my tongue out. I can hardly phonate as of now on B4 and C5, and I feel my tongue quivering because it wants to help out.

2.  Practicing onsets on [i] ("eee") from C4-C5 five times on each pitch, holding the last pitch
- From years of fear and attempting to avoid irritation and swelling of the polyps, my closere is too soft and let's too much air escape. This exercise helps practice this.

I have to do these exercises twice a day.

By the end of the 30 minute session, my voice felt almost sore, but not hoarse. My therapist advised me that this is the sign that you are doing things right. Throughout the day, my voice was so tired I was scared to talk. I attempted to start the exercises again later in the afternoon, but the cords kept breaking and two pitches formed. I got really protective and decided rest and lay low the rest of the evening. Luckily, that hasn't happened since Monday evening.

It's a process and I am making headway this week.

I am counting down the days before I can start teaching and singing at church again. A week and a half to go!

V. Four Weeks After Surgery

June 17th, 2015 


I am now a little more than halfway through my healing process, and I am so excited to see what happens these next few weeks.

First thing on the docket: I ran my first 5K this weekend. Because of the many weeks of limited speech and the countless walks/jogs, I decided to try and train to run 3 miles without stopping and signed up for the Color Run in Los Angeles. For those of you that know me, this was a really tough goal. I have never been a runner. But this goal to run without stopping and "finish the race" really made my dreams for vocal healing tangible. It reminded me that your mind is a powerful thing. Even though your muscles might be aching, you have the power to keep running.

In conclusion, I received the gold medal at the 2015 Color Run at Dodger Stadium for winning first place and being the fastest runner they've ever seen. The USA Olympic coaches have been contacting me nonstop, but I said I'll think about it. *

*(Yes, everyone received gold medals. Yes, I kept a 10 minute mile pace. Please...Don't shatter my dreams)

Last Thursday, I started small, short singing exercises with my speech therapist -

IT. WAS. AWESOME.

I was cleared to speak for 15-20 minutes per hour, and was given a set of three singing exercises to do, twice a day as well as the previous exercises as a warm up, until my next therapy session.

Because that pseudocyst was there for so long, my muscles and vocal cords found what worked. Now, as I am beginning this process, I have to retrain my brain and muscles to do something completely different and break old singing habits. You'll see in the video below I am moving my neck around to promote no tension while singing.

Within each day, there are good moments and then moments where my voice seems to be really struggling and fatiguing quickly. It has been hard to determine whether something is wrong or if the voice is just getting tired and I need to take a break. Another difficulty of mine is deciding whether my voice is too tired to do the singing exercises or if the exercises are just what I need to do to build them up. Pretty much a lot of:

I'm worrying about nothing stop worrying should I worry the worrying is making it worse.

....aaaaannnd your 15 minutes are up. haha

I have attached a video below to show you where my speaking voice is at and the singing exercises I am doing every day. I am really excited to show you my progress!

IV. Two and a Half Weeks After Surgery

June 7th, 2015 

Hi everyone - It has been 19 days since my surgery and the real work has begun.  I am sorry I have not written sooner, but this week and a half has been very emotional and taken a lot of patience. I have been trying to find the right words.

On Thursday, May 28th, I had my first speech therapy appointment and began to speak and use my voice again. My speech therapist cleared me to speak for 5 minutes every hour and gave me three vocal exercises to do, five times each, five times a day. Believe it or not, it is harder to speak in small increments than it is to remain completely silent.  The therapist said one thing that really stuck with me -

Speaking promotes blood flow. Blood flow promotes healing. 

 This has become my mantra and one of the first things I say out loud before I begin my exercises. I like to imagine my brain sending little red blood cell workers with yellow hard hats to my vocal folds to work on them.

It was incredible to be told to speak for the first time after a week and a half of silence. I guess a part of me was hoping for a glorious, strong, and easy sound to come out, but that was not the case.

It felt weak. It felt hard to project.
It felt... weird.
I wish I could describe it better to you, but I just can't seem to find the words.

My therapist prepared me and explained that the middle of the range is usually the last thing to come back. I spoke for 5 minutes/hour from May 28th to June 4th, and just started to talk for 10 minutes/hour on June 5th.

That first day was the hardest. Because of the bruising on the vocal fold, I was informed to be extra cautious and to really be aware if my voice to going hoarse quickly or if I felt any pain or extreme fatigue. Fear and worry really find a way to try and take over your mind in these times of weakness. The thought of somehow hurting my voice in this week terrified me. Another thing I noticed was that many people seem to feel nervous when I began to talk. Many would stop me to say:

"Don't waste your five minutes on me. Save your voice."

This really frustrated me at first, but I realize that this gesture is out of love and protection. I have so many people rooting for a full recovery and know that many are just trying to help. The more I have begun to speak and use my voice, the better and better it has begun to sound. There have been moments where my actual voice pops in for a few sentences and leaves - THOSE ARE THE BEST DAYS EVER. 

I have made a little video and have attached it below to show you the exercises I have to do and how my voice sounds at this point in the journey. 

I cannot WAIT for my speech therapy appointment this Thursday. I am going to get to sing for the first time in 3 weeks! Talk to you all soon, and remember - 

There is always hope.